After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
