Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
