I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
