I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
