Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
