im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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