I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
