Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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