can u get pink eye on your cock?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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