Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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