what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
