I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
