they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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