so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
