i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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