You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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