i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
