Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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