ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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