Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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