i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
