My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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