Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize