I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
