At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
