Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
