At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize