she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
