He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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