I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize