i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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