God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
They took my balls.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
