to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
