I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
