You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I want to be your penis for a week.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
