i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we're making bets on your personal life
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
