guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
