I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
