how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
