would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drunk is not a location!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
