I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
