I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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