I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
