Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
