we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
