PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
