Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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