and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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