apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
