he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
