i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
