Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
