I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
