If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You're like the curious george of whores
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
