I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
