I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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