Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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