I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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