i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
