I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
