How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
