We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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