put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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