I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
