You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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