he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
